MarshallStaxx

formspring.me

2010-01-11T13:36:00.001Z

I answered your retarded interrogations, forcefeed me more question-mush (AKA ASK ME SHIT) http://formspring.me/marshallstaxx

MEME

2009-02-11T10:27:00.001Z

DEM RULEZ:
1. Put your music library on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS, "IS THIS OKAY," YOU SAY?
'These Riots Are Just The Beginning' - And So I Watch You From Afar
Rather apt. If someones does something that I find not OK, I will often riot their face off.

2) HOW WOULD YOU WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
'Pants On Fire' - Buck 65
If my pants were on fire I would remain calm and roll in the snow, which reflects my personality very well.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
'Industry Insider 2' - Blue Destroy
If my girlfriend was an industry insider, she'd be able to get me free stuff. Don't know about 2 at the same time though.

4)HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
'My First Kiss At The Public Execution' - Blood Brothers
Today, I have neither kissed anyone nor attended a beheading / gaschamber / public stoning. This meme is shitty. Great. Now my iTunes has fucking exploded.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
'Superheroes' - The Toxic Avenger
My life's dream has always been to wear my underpants on the outside of my trousers.

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
'Why Do You Bother eBro?' - Charles Bronson
APATHY FTW.

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
'All Night Home' - Sparklehorse
Yes, I would rather stay in all night home watching Total Wipeout on BBC1 rather than see my friends. THIS TEST KNOWS MY MIND.

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
'Put It In' - Toxic Lipstick
Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body, I dunno.

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
'Three' - I Would Set Myself On Fire For You
Holy fuck... this freaked me out a bit. I've got 10,228 songs in my library and this one pops up for this question. Anyway, goes to show that fate / chance is a crock of shit because it can't even get simple mathematics correct.

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
'Et Tu Beton' - Daitro
I don't speak French, so this could be extremely profound and I wouldn't have a fucking clue.

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU FANCY?
'A Spoonful Of Slurry' - Tera Melos
Oh yeah, baby, spoonfeed me that sexy slurry, watch it dribble down my chin.

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
'Touch The Wings Of An Angel' - Indian Summer
If they made a film about my life story it would be about a boy that pulls the wings off angels like dead flies. And Richard Pryor would play me.

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
'Wilmer Valderrama (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Had 2 Wives)' - Loma Prieta
Oh yes, I just live my life totally for the joys of polygamy. By the way, please don't IM me asking to bone your wife whilst you stand in the corner, masturbating and muttering in Klingon. I'll probably say no.

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
'Tigersuit' - Raein
Nothing I like more than my girlfriend dressing up in an oversized Tony The Tiger suit and partying like it's safari time.

15) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
'Nothing' - Rapider Than Horsepower
Basterts. The feeling's mutual.

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
'A Well Documented Case Of Severe Autism' - Jeromes Dream
Well, this is possible. If I ever get married in a moshpit.

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
'Bluto Fucks Popeye' - The Bloody Beetroots
Why be miserable at a funeral? Stick on this excellent slice of Italo-Dirtybass-Electro and put your hands in the air like you just don't care.

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
'Everybody Fucks With Somebody' - Tarentel
Spot on. Have a gold star.

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
'Day Twenty Four: Gutterbomb Heaven On The Grid' - Trap Them
OK, I admit it. I'm an Al Queda suicide bomber in my spare time.

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
'We Are All Accelerated Readers' - Los Campesinos!
I do like to associate with people of a higher intelligence quota. Stupid people shouldn't breed.

SOLITARE

2009-01-22T14:14:00.005Z

Solitaire makes me want to An Hero.

Yes... Solitaire / Klondike / Patience, that card game so beloved of travellers stuck at airports and your grandmother, makes me want to kill myself.

Each morning, without fail, I whip out my spanking new 120GB iPod (thanks Mum & Dad) on the 55 bus and go to fire up Klondike, the version of Solitaire that come bundled with the iPod software. My finger always hovers for a moment over the clickwheel as horrible, dark memories of playing card-induced pain and suffering flit though my mind. Then I click 'Start Game'.

I see Solitaire not as a simple game or way to pass time whilst waiting for your connecting flight to Helsinki, but as an interactive parable of the futility of Mankind's existence. Yep, you heard me right, PAH RAH BALL.

Each game is a new beginning, brimming with hope and optimism. I set about my task, shifting the stock to the tableau, building the foundations, juggling the cascades, with gay abandon and my mind giddy with possibilities and the sweet promise of success. Then my joy begins to fade as my options are reduced, doors are closed and the route to the finish gradually becomes less clear, until all I see is a thorny web of dead ends and denied freedom. I then begin to realise that the choices I made casually in the past have had a far greater effect than I imagined, effectively hamstringing my progress to a slow grind of scrabbling around in the dirt, desperately attempting to move a 3 of Hearts. All avenues are shut off. There is no success, only failure.

When there are no more cards to be played, the game is over. Only there is no message to tell you this, and you can constantly keep moving cards around and going through the waste pile in utter vain, toiling under the self-imposed pretence that maybe you missed something, a glimmer of hope that maybe you will find the door to completion is still ajar. You have to make the decision yourself to end it all.

To An Hero.

Then it hits me.

Maybe my whole endeavour was futile and in vain. The way the cards were dealt to me right at the start may have ensured that success was impossible. Brainy mathematicians have calculated that the odds of a game of Solitaire being unsolvable from the start are around 10%. So sometimes Lady Luck is a bitch, but 90% of the time my dismal failure is my own doing. The multitude of possibilities and endless permutations reduce my brain to quivering jelly, and I collapse, weeping, to the floor of the 55 bus.

I really should delete Solitaire from my iPod's HDD, as getting depressed and existential on the morning commute to work isn't too healthy, but I'm a sucker for the eternal punishment.

AYKROYD

2008-11-13T22:25:00.003Z

Saw the wonderfully named Danananaykroyd play last night at the Lexington in Islington. This must've been about the sixth or seventh time I've seen them play this year, so safe to say I'm pretty much a cock-slurping groupie fanboy.

They were fantastic, as usual, and it's a real close call between them and Throats (who I'm seeing play a show in Beyond Retro on Saturday) as to who are the best live band in the UK right now. Their set was joyous, the happy cries of "YAY! WE DID IT!" from the band everytime they clattered to the end of a song was endearing. The WALL OF CUDDLES was a loved up twist on the popular moshpit activity named the WALL OF DEATH, where instead of kicking the shit out of eachother, the kids hugged eachother to death.

The two singers spent half the show in the midst of the crowd, and by the time most of the band had stripped of their shirts, the dual screaming vocalists really reminded me of The Blood Brothers (RIP) although a closer referance point to their sound is the missing link between Black Flag and The Polyphonic Spree. By the end of the set I was punching my chest, hollering my voice hoarse and giving hXc salutes, so I guess I had a fantastic time.

If anyone is reading this (not that ANYBODY reads this shit) who took photos of the show, please leave a retarded comment letting me know where to find them on teh internets.

If they play somewhere near you, make sure you catch their carnival of all-or-nothing funtimes.

BREAKER

2008-11-11T23:09:00.007Z

All bodies break
And the blood just spills and spills,
But here we sit debating math.

It's such a shame
My hand it kills and kills,
There's got to be an end to that.

Choices seem so clear cut at the time. The act is easier than the aftermath, the strike of the blade easier to deal with than the cleaning up of the bloodstain. Aww fuck, stop being so emo.

In other news, I have to stop listening to so much Low. I think I'm gonna go watch Hitman and see some heads explode in sniper-rifle induced crimson gore fountains.

SOUP

2008-11-10T13:35:00.003Z

My brain feels like a jackhammer has pulverised it and smeared the resulting mess across the interior magnolia walls of my skull.

It was a HEAVY weekend. Stuff happened.

So I am trying not to think too much and occupy my mind with numbingly mudane tasks and thoughts.

Mundane task for today - create a new site structure for the research pages of the website. My day is fully stuffed with rearranging web pages about PARP Inhibitors and Nipple Fluid - A Key To Earlier Detection.

Mundane thought for today - inspired by an uninspiring conversation in my office today... "Do you eat or drink soup?". The general concensous was that it depended on the use of cutlery and the overall consistancy of the soup being consumed.

ENTHRALLING.

WOE

2008-08-07T12:46:00.005+01:00

Thought I'd start using this blog to share some music, as my shitty life is too boring to write about on a regular basis.

First up is Woe, a band from Southend, UK, that I played guitar and Korg for. We were active from 2000 to 2004, and recorded two LPs, the first of which, Last Stop, I'm posting here. Last Stop was the 15th record to be released on Walter Schreifels' Some Records, and they have a pretty good band biography up on their site.

Woe were a blend of noise, punk and bad jazz. The songs were dirge-like improvisations based around a single idea, rhythm or riff. The closest reference point to me is the 'inbetween song noise parts' on Fugazi's Red Medicine.

DOWNLOAD.

FASHION

2008-07-04T15:59:00.005+01:00

Today I had to meet a deadline reskinning the FTBC website, because the current design I had to knock together in two days due to the fact the design agency we comissioned fucked up the build beyond belief. If you have two days to build a site with a fully fuctioning online store that works, believe me, aesthetics kind of go out the window.

When it comes home each evening from the world wide web, gently sobbing and with snot bubbling from it's wonky nose, I coo into it's ear "Yes little website of mine, you may be ugly as sin and all the bigger sites tease you about your sticky-out ears and your goofy overbite, but at least you have a fully fuctioning shop section. They can never take that away from you."

So my baby is going under the knife, and will emerge after the weekend with perfectly constructed HTML, beautifully sculptured CSS, and a killer rack of 36DD tits.

PECADILLOES

2008-06-26T16:58:00.003+01:00

Today, I was standing at the window of my office, gazing down at the restless throng of High Holborn below, when I spotted a strange looking gentleman waiting at the traffic lights to cross the road.

The guy was in his mid to late 50's with a thatch of pure white hair on his head. He was holding a black leather suitcase. He was peering down the road through his horn-rimmed spectacles waiting for a gap in the traffic to cross the road. Nothing peculiar there. He was wearing black hold-up stockings, frilly black french knickers, a black lacy bra and patent high heels. And nothing else.

My jaw dropped and I actually rubbed my eyes, blinked, then looked again to make sure I wasn't still hallucinating from that gram of horse tranquilliser I dropped last night. He was still there, striding across the street and heading into the lobby of the Citadines Hotel, attracting various odd looks from the passers-by.

I rushed to my desk, grabbed my digital video camera, and stood at the window focused on the hotel door for about 15 minutes, hoping that he would emerge so I could catch him on film, post it to YouTube and become an internet phenomenon.

Sadly, for both me and him, he obviously had some important business to attend to in the hotel and after 15 minutes of holding the camera my arm went numb.

London, you are fucking weird, but I love you.

MIDGET

2008-06-25T13:01:00.002+01:00

Just finished watching "In Bruges" and thought it was the best movie I've seen since "No Country For Old Men". It's dark, hilarious, violent, emotional, intelligent and bloody, often all within the space of 3 scenes. It also features an egomanical midget snorting shitloads of cocaine whilst eulogising about race-war to a half-naked Belgian prostitute. How can you not like that?

Will probably not win any Oscars, like it deserves to, because:

A: It's set in Europe, and features mainly European actors.

B: Every American character is either ridiculed or killed, or both.

Go see it now... In Bruges gets 10/10.

CPWK

2008-05-30T12:42:00.004+01:00

Always the last to be told anything, I found out this morning that Cutting Pink With Knives are calling it a day and splitting.

I'm a little sad that I won't see anymore of their entertaining and quite frankly offensive live shows, but like the family dog that has canine arthritis and can't manage a trot round the park anymore, CPWK had a good innings so try not to weep too hard as they are put out of their misery by a man in a green smock wielding a massive hypodermic full of lethal muscle relaxant.

In tribute I shall be listening to CPWK's similar artists radio all day, and wearing a black armband at work, fashioned from gaffer tape.

Who shall carry CPWK's TorchOfGrind into the future? My money's on GO! With Fourteen O, 2 O'Clock Girlfriend and iwrestledabearonce.

RIP two jews and a baldy.

HOUSE

2008-05-20T17:46:00.005+01:00

Busy weekend. Moved into my new house on Saturday, that I'm sharing with Hannah and Christian. Turns out that they are both in Italy for a week, so I'm going to be rattling around in an empty house until Sunday.

Went to a Gangsters & Molls themed party in Old Street on Saturday night where Dan Vane was DJing to keep him company through those long lonely hours of manning the WHEELZOVSTEEL, but everyone forgot to tell me it was a Gangsters & Molls themed party, so I was the awkward sore thumb hanging out by the DJ booth, wearing a Spark Is A Diamond shirt whilst everyone else looked like they were extras in Bugsy Malone. Dan managed to clear the dance floor with Richard Cheese's lounge-jazz cover of Mixalot's Baby's Got Back. He gots teh mad DJ skillz.

And I had my phone nicked whilst in the 333 after I left the bar. I knew I should have gone to the This Is Music London Jay Reatard warehouse show in Manor House instead.

ROAR

2008-05-07T15:39:00.006+01:00

Last Saturday Rob & I headed down to Beyond Retro, a cavernous vintage clothes shop just off Brick Lane, to see Maths and Throats play a release party for their split that's coming out on 9 June 2008 on the UK's last bastion of Hardcore Integrity, the wonderful Holy Roar Records.

The show kicked off at 3pm but as we're cool motherfuckers we rolled up late and missed Maths. Fuck. I've been listening to their demo a fair bit recently and was developing a taste for their brand of Jeromes Dream-esque screamo. The venue filled up pretty well as Throats tore into their first song. Ferocious, metallic and sharp as a switchblade, the young five-piece thundered through an intense set of chaotic screamo-tinged metalcore with riffs as heavy as atom bombs. The singer spent most of the show laying on his back screaming until his face turned a fetching shade of plum.

Later on, after a resound thrashing at Table Football by some German Fusbol Hustlers in Kick Bar, we headed to the MacBeth to catch Trencher and Ipso Facto. The venue was packed to the rafters with cool-as-fuck ice maiden girls with severe black haircuts. It was like The Stepford Wives if it was set in Hoxton. I'd thought that Trencher and Ipso Facto were a downright bizzare pairing for a show, and, as Trencher blasted into their first slice of filthy casio-grind, I was proved right. The sheer look of disgust on 90% of the venue's patrons was delicious to behold. Trencher played a great set that left you feeling like you've just been bum-raped by a strap-on wielding crackwhore in a grimy neon-lit alleyway. The fact that only six people in the crowd appreciated it didn't seem to matter to them one bit. Rob pulled some fantastic spazzy grind dance moves out the bag too, which was quite a surprise.

Couldn't be arsed to stay for the posefest that was bound to be Ipso Facto's set (plus they're from Southend so I hold that against them as a grudge) so we headed to the Dolphin in Hackney for some karaoke instead.

FRIDAY

2008-03-15T19:22:00.003Z

So I'm a day late. Who gives a monkey's testicle? Friday was shit anyway.

Appetizer

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how much do you like your own handwriting?

I write entirely in capitals. Apart from 'e', which is lowercase, and 'z' which is some bizarro weirdo french-style swirly zed. My English teacher at school hated me because of it and wanted me to fail. I spat it back in her twat by getting a double A grade. I'd rate my handwriting as an 8 for originality, a 10 for legibility, and a poor 2 for conformity.

Soup

Do you prefer baths or showers?

Shower every time. Baths take up too much of my precious time. although my shower is 5'11" high and I'm 6'0" which can be uncomfortable. The longest I've been without a shower was 5 days at Reading Festival 1992.

Salad

What was the last bad movie you watched?

Faces Of Death. About two hours ago. A cult pseudo-snuff shlock movie from 1978. It sucked like a $10 whore.

Main Course

Name something you are addicted to and describe how it affects your life.

I am addicted to smoking cancersticks and it makes my lungs a black mess of lurking death.

Dessert

Which instrument is your favorite to listen to?

A fucking loud distorted electic guitar running through one of these and a few of these. Preferably in a live environment with my head about 5 metres from the speaker cab.

IMBRUGLIA

2008-03-07T16:38:00.008Z

My work are running a photo shoot on Monday with esteemed fashion photographer, Rankin, who is shooting Aussie sex-pop strumpet, Natalie Imbruglia. I wanted to get some video footage too that we could possibly use as a viral, so had arranged with the plebs at the creative agency to get some minimum-wage monkey to film the shoot.

Our Celebrity PR Girl receives a call today saying that the agency can't get someone down to film. So I gladly 'volunteered' my services to point a DV camera at an ex-soapstar that I had a little crush on when I was seventeen.

Plus, we needed a new DV camera because the old one is fucked, so I got to go out at lunchtime and blow £300 on the work credit card on this little sexy lump of plastic. And, no, I'm not still still talking about Ms Imbruglia.

Heading out tonight to see the wonderfully noisy Brooklyn duo Japanther at my favourite scuzzy, dark and underground venue in London, Barden's Boudoir. Bring da noize.

FIRST

2008-03-06T14:11:00.004Z

I am blogging. I hate blogs. Bloggers are pretty much down the bottom of the list of people I'd like to be stuck talking to at a party, along with Jeffery Dalhmer and Marty Weintraub.

Eventually, everyone becomes what they despise.